What happens when you give yourself permission to let go? To step out, be big, be real, be different, be you? What happens when you follow your heart, follow into a wilderness of great unknown, instead of packherding along a paved, prepackaged path? What happens when you release the self-limitations of what if I am wrong/fail/look stupid/no one likes me anymore? What happens if your mother rolls her babyboomer eyes and you do it anyway?
Every single thought, half thought against your deepest desire is a violence against your soul, against your heart. Literally against your heart. Even when you catch yourself midthought, halfway through a formation of “no, you can’t because .. responsible, mature, adult”, that thought exists. It completed itself.
Letting go can be a minutely slow process, a long-term unravelling of deep patternings of thinking and being, of thinkings and beings. I’ve been unravelling for years. Some call it middle age. I call it a return to form, soulform. This year I can see new fibres beneath the unweaving of the old, fatigued, shabby canvas I have worn for most of my life. These new fibres are mortgage-free, debt-free, career-free, soul-work born, service-born. I am letting go, releasing my beloved home, rejecting the need to buy new clothes, new sheets, new cups and plates. I am in service to myself, my soul, my partner, my family which includes all beings in my sphere of breathing. I am mid-career and life shift. I am repurposing my material life to match my spiritual life, my soul life. Spirit demands nothing less of me.
This morning I allowed myself to dream wildly big, outrageously, ridiculously outside my boundaries with a soul buddy who is living within a similar texture to me. We are now hatching a collaborative something we both dream of but previously never dared, because.. too big, not good enough, who am I to…
Over the last few years, each time I stepped out of the comfort box onto rocky, terrain that demands, challenges, says bring me offerings of your doings to show me your capacities and worth, I have felt new health – emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual. Letting go of doings and beings that no longer fit – shifts from one to another, this to that, opens other ways of being you; can shift you closer to home.
Am I brave? Yes, sometimes I am. Am I stupid? Yes, sometimes I am blindly so. Am I courageous? Absolutely. Am I going to lose it all and regret everything? I may lose it all but I will regret none of it. I am passionate about my one wild life. I am passionate about connecting (back) into nature and living a life that honours that connection. It’s time to live those half and fully formed thoughts of yes! I want that. I am that.