Dreaming the One Wild Life

What happens when you give yourself permission to let go? To step out, be big, be real, be different, be you? What happens when you follow your heart, follow into a wilderness of great unknown, instead of packherding along a paved, prepackaged path? What happens when you release the self-limitations of what if I am wrong/fail/look stupid/no one likes me anymore? What happens if your mother rolls her babyboomer eyes and you do it anyway?

Every single thought, half thought against your deepest desire is a violence against your soul, against your heart. Literally against your heart. Even when you catch yourself midthought, halfway through a formation of “no, you can’t because .. responsible, mature, adult”, that thought exists. It completed itself.

Letting go can be a minutely slow process, a long-term unravelling of deep patternings of thinking and being, of thinkings and beings. I’ve been unravelling for years. Some call it middle age. I call it a return to form, soulform. This year I can see new fibres beneath the unweaving of the old, fatigued, shabby canvas I have worn for most of my life. These new fibres are mortgage-free, debt-free, career-free, soul-work born, service-born. I am letting go, releasing my beloved home, rejecting the need to buy new clothes, new sheets, new cups and plates. I am in service to myself, my soul, my partner, my family which includes all beings in my sphere of breathing. I am mid-career and life shift. I am repurposing my material life to match my spiritual life, my soul life. Spirit demands nothing less of me.

This morning I allowed myself to dream wildly big, outrageously, ridiculously outside my boundaries with a soul buddy who is living within a similar texture to me. We are now hatching a collaborative something we both dream of but previously never dared, because.. too big, not good enough, who am I to…

Over the last few years, each time I stepped out of the comfort box onto rocky, terrain that demands, challenges, says bring me offerings of your doings to show me your capacities and worth, I have felt new health – emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual. Letting go of doings and beings that no longer fit – shifts from one to another, this to that, opens other ways of being you; can shift you closer to home.

Am I brave? Yes, sometimes I am. Am I stupid? Yes, sometimes I am blindly so. Am I courageous? Absolutely. Am I going to lose it all and regret everything? I may lose it all but I will regret none of it. I am passionate about my one wild life. I am passionate about connecting (back) into nature and living a life that honours that connection. It’s time to live those half and fully formed thoughts of yes! I want that. I am that.

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