The last 18 months has dropped me into some depth journeying, and particularly this year, I have been digging out my truths, my ego- lies and delusions, and learning to stand in those truths whilst letting go of the self- deceits. I have shed and lost friends on the way, grown new friendships, deepened existing ones. I have learnt to drop public masks that kept me safe, believing I was secured in my social networks. When I couraged up to say “no, this is my boundary and it shall not be crossed” I watched, and felt, supposed allies stepp back and wail at the “terrible, dangerous change” in me. Some aggressively attacked a version of me they conjured up for themselves, some just shunned, ignored me or worse, pretended to be simply too busy. Those times I needed support, some friends judged, and told me what I should do; others simply asked “how can I help?”. Friends standing in their own truths, stepped out and said “I see you. Welcome.”
It’s been a fierce ride, this year, and it’s still smashing through. I’ve been terrified, destroyed, broken apart, reconstituted, smashed against rocks once more, and learnt how to walk again. I’ve experienced full bodied joy, love, elation, exhilaration as much as I’ve scoured the dark depths. I can now use a chainsaw (I have a phobia of noisy machinery) and can climb on to the roof of the shed without fear (I have a fear of high open places). I can say no when I need to and not feel guilty; I can see when I disassociate, abandon myself, and can call myself back and hold steady in those tornado moments. I know when I am being controlling, sugar coated in “niceness” and helping, and when I am genuine in my openheartedness. I am hugging trees again, and it is home.
My energy/meridian work is growing and thickening with these ego-investigations, and from delving into modalities that I’ve long had interested in but kept putting on the to-do list, rather than prioritising them, as my heart kept whispering I should. These are modalities that align with who I am in the world and that make my soul sing. Modalities that draw me closer to nature, to the ecosystems I live in, and root my understandings of our relationships with nature, spirit and Universe more solidly and securely.
Finally I am exploring sound healing work, with drums, tuning forks, singing bowls and most scarily, voice. I am working more profoundly with meridian work, and massage which integrates beautifully with the sound work. And after several years of kicking around the edges, shifting it up and down my to do list, I am immersing myself in the work and teachings of Bill Plotkin and his Soulcraft “rewilding” methodology. This work so thoroughly resonates and I realise I have been a wild soul since forever, making flower sun essences as a very young child, as medicines for my toy animals and talking to trees, flowers, birds, to my connection with horses and joy of disappearing into deep forests and stalking up gorges and mountain sides.
So my healing space is open again for clients, and is refreshed, renewed, revitalised, as I delve deep into soul work, growth, expansion, sorting, shedding, planting seeds, watering, contemplating, listening to my soul voice.